Saturday, December 23, 2017

"If you want to learn what someone fears losing, watch what they photograph"

This quote floats around a fair bit on the 'net.

I always take photographs of the people around me. There was a time I photographed pets, and nature, and beautiful scenery, but the older I get, the more I photograph people. I have always taken Rahul's best photos (and I'll fight anybody claiming otherwise) and now I don't take enough photos of our family, but whatever I do photograph usually has my people in the centre.

Why don't I photograph V more? Do I take him for granted? I don't think I do, but I do wonder. Maybe I photograph the boys because they grow so fast. I know I take photographs of my father for when he's gone. Why don't I photograph my mother then? She too is ageing and will one day leave.

And then there are photographs I would eagerly take, but can't. Some don't like being photographed while others can't be. One day, when I get old and lose my memories, I will lose them too. I don't want to grow old.

Friday, December 15, 2017

That Kdrama love

I'm starting to take this very personally now. It's starting to feel like the entire industry in South Korea sat down and stated that one really harsh day in July 2017 Sunayana Roy is finally going to start watching our work. She'll start out thinking she can take it or leave it. She'll scoff lightly at all the slang and the tropes and all the pretty people. She'll scoff at the concepts and the predictability and toss her head at all the fandoms.

And then, and then, and then... before she knows it she'll be so deep in that she'll be scoffing at the IG posts digging up old photos of Lee Min-ki because, hello, those she found long ago, when they'd just started airing Because This Life Is Our First, so why aren't any fans bringing forth new stuff. Around then, when she's particularly vulnerable because BTLIOF left a gaping hole in her week, she'll fall into City Hunter and be prepared to overlook her Lee Min-ho discomfort (temporarily), so we must be prepared.

How best can we reduce her to a gibbering wreck in front of her family and friends? How best can we pepper her internal voice with words that nobody understands around her? How do we leave her sobbing at midnight in front of a visibly exasperated husband who doesn't care in the slightest that So Ji-sub reminds her of him in Oh My Venus, especially since she's crying because of Descendants of the Sun and Oh My Venus has not yet been watched.

She will hunt for memes when Goblin is over, and listen to the OST on a continuous loop, so how can we ensure she has enough memes from around the internet to keep her going till she's strong enough for the next drama? How, in short, do we ensure that she survives this year and makes it into 2018 without snapping?

So they made Healer.

That's my theory and I'm sticking to it.

Friday, December 01, 2017

The first day

For the last two days Facebook Memories has been reminding me that my departure from Soul coincides exactly with my leaving my ad agency job. It's a little amusing because it's completely unplanned, but in many ways, both jobs have been alike. In both cases I was scouted by my bosses to try out something new, as an experiment of sorts. Both these bosses have been wonderful to work for, and I learned more under them than I've learnt anywhere else. The work they sent my way was exciting and challenging. It's funny because as people I wouldn't have said they are the least bit alike. And I worked from exactly the same same dates to the same dates in both places, how weird is that!

Today's FB memory was a post along the lines of how the first day of the rest of my life is marked by intense sleepiness. True to form, I can barely keep my eyes open this morning. I am so very tired, all I want to do is snuggle a cup of hot soup under blankets. The weather is rainy and chilly and just perfect for this. Back in 2010 I had a 4 yo Rahul to keep me on my toes and now I have a 3.5 yo Beni dedicating himself to the same job!

The one thing that is different though, is how devastated I was when I left Contad. Wiser through experience, this time I gave myself plenty of time to worry and second-guess and fret over my decision while I was still working. By the time November finally ended, I was at peace and really looking forward to my time off. Writing out my worries here helped more than I realised. There's work coming in and I've actually been turning it all down because I recognise I need to rest before I can do anything else at all. For the very first time in my life, I'm not fretting over lost opportunities. There will be something else when I'm ready. And if there isn't, I'll live cheaper. Or something. I'll figure it out.

Vicky are I are committing to a single income household for the immediate future, and a car loan, and two sets of expensive school fees. I've worried about this, but I'm feeling strangely confident anyway. I am more worried about Rahul not getting enough sleep and Beni not getting enough engagement. Like 2010, stopping work is showing me how much my family pays for me to work and I know I'll have to fight off a ton of working mother's guilt to get my head back into freelancing.


I want to read this post when I'm 40 and smile because it was my worries that were misplaced, not my confidence. Make it happen, universe!